IS DIVORCE THE ANSWER?

By: James Walsh

Yet another reason for the fact that 40% of the marriages in the UK end in divorce is the Divorce Reform Act of 1969, which has made the process easier.

A survey conducted by The Grant Thornton Forensic Practice, shows that adultery is the prime cause for divorce, followed by ‘unreasonable behaviour'.

‘Unreasonable Behaviour’

The Divorce Reform Act of 1969, regards ‘Unreasonable Behaviour’ as grounds for divorce. The law is rather fuzzy on this, and almost anything may be cited as unreasonable – be it snoring, unattended dirty laundry, or a tube of toothpaste squeezed the wrong way. No wonder divorce has become so easy to procure.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It is up to you to stop and think. Is your spouse guilty of ‘unreasonable behaviour’, or are you just being petty because you need a break? Marriage experts say that taking a break once a year from each other can rejuvenate your marriage. The distance will help you see things objectively, value each other, and recall the things you loved about one another in the beginning.

Teach your Children Well

If you have children, remember that it is they who will suffer most. They learn by your example, and you will be teaching them that love between adults does not last, and therefore, neither will your love for them.

Marriage Counselling

Whatever the cause for the problems in your relationship, marriage counselling is your first option. A good marriage counsellor can help you pinpoint the underlying reasons for your conflict and help you deal with them, but it requires time, and effort from both of you. In the end, you will know whether the marriage is worth saving or not.

Separation Agreements

If you are not living together, but would like to set mutually agreed upon terms regarding finances, property, children, or a divorce in the future, this is an option. This is a commonly taken route, and the agreement is binding, but because it does not involve the court, agreements may prove difficult. For example, a spouse may refuse to disclose his financial status, or disagree about visiting rights if there are children. However, this gives you two years to think it over.

Judicial Separation

This is best if you cannot reconcile your differences, especially if there are pension or religious or ethical objections to divorce. Or if the marriage is less than a year old, in which case, a divorce decree is not applicable. This separation can only be granted on grounds of:

1 Adultery
2 Unreasonable behaviour
3 Desertion by the other partner after two years
4 Separation with consent after two years
5 Separation without consent after five years.

This will enable the court to make decisions about money and property matters. However, the court will ensure that arrangements made for children, if any, are acceptable.

Soulmates

There is destiny involved in marriage. That is why marriage is a sacrament, blessed by God in all cultures. My 84-year-old English friend says that had he and his wife divorced during the many bleak years of their marriage, they could never have recovered their original love and improved on it immeasurably. The Buddhist way of thinking, so popular in the UK (consider the ever- increasing Buddhist community) views marriage as a serious karmic bond necessary for the spiritual growth of the couple that have come together. Each person has something to learn from the other, and if he or she fails to do so, and escapes from the situation, the situation will recur in some other form till it has been resolved. For example, if ego is the prime cause of the conflict, it must be dissolved, or the individual will constantly face similar confrontational situations.

As J.R.R. Tokkein says in a letter to Michael Tolkein in 1941 -

‘Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.‘